Excuse Me, Can You Help Me?

This is how I've begun a rather embarassing coversation with multiple strangers today. You see, the sad, awful truth is that I cannot open my front door. The door knob is deceptive. It does not turn. In fact, I believe that it has no real function other than to taunt me as I desperately turn my key back and forth while slamming my shoulder into the wood. The concept seems simple enough: turn key, push. And yet today I have frequently found myself on my doorstep with no prospect of entry. The first person I encountered during my epic struggle was an elderly Dutch woman who spoke no English. She indicated an upper lock in the door suggesting that I needed an additional key. However, the upper keyhole is unused, and as I tried to convey that point, the woman gave up on me as a lost cause and continued on her way. Meanwhile, I continued fussing with the key and trying uselessly to push and turn the useless doorknob until an english speaker passed by. She was kind enough to open the door and even welcomed me to my new home. The latest endeavor with the door require a young bicyclist to put down his case of Heineken and come to my aid. He informed me that opening the door was "quite easy actually." I practiced once while he stood by and...SUCCESS! It seems I've been turning the key the wrong way. I hope this will mark a new beginning with the door, and I feel compelled to go outside and ensure that I have mastered the trick of this faux-knobbed door. However, the fear of being stuck outside is too great to risk it. Eventually, I will have to leave, of course, and we shall see who will be the victor.